What’s the alternative to mediation? Meet the European Board Game Going Global

Posted on 20/06/2025 by rorygowers

Responding to @Massimiliano Ferrari’s recent post sharing @Dr. Anna Maria Bernard’s powerful insights about digital conflicts in Basilicata. Here’s what we’re seeing as Medianos spreads globally…

Massimiliano Ferrari’s sharing of Dr. Anna Maria Bernard’s insights from Basilicata Region perfectly captures what those who understand transformation are witnessing worldwide – the emerging need for approaches that naturally dissolve digital-age conflicts. Dr. Bernard’s experience with Medianos confirms what you may already be sensing as this remarkable method continues spreading across continents.

She writes about how “digital conflicts are the order of the day” and as you consider this, you might recognize the truth in her observation. Just last month, I watched a CEO and his teenage daughter discover something profound as they sat across from each other, both having believed the other “just doesn’t get it” about screen time boundaries. Traditional mediation would have had them negotiate rules and compromises. But what happened next was something that transforms everything.

In the past, families like theirs relied on authority-based solutions that inevitably left children feeling unheard and parents feeling frustrated. When conflicts arose over homework, curfews, or device usage, conversations naturally escalated into battles of will rather than becoming opportunities for deeper understanding. The tools available were limited to expensive counseling, theoretical parenting books, or time-consuming mediation processes that few families could access or sustain effectively.

Then the digital revolution changed everything, didn’t it? As Dr Bernard observes, we’re dealing with conflicts our parents never imagined: How much screen time creates balance? What about online privacy and safety? How do we manage social media wisely? The generational digital divide widened as children became native users while parents struggled to keep pace with change. These “digital conflicts” became daily occurrences, with the adolescent brain still developing and naturally impulsive constantly stimulated by digital temptations that multiply exponentially.

What she discovered in Basilicata, you’re now beginning to see replicated across Europe and beyond. Medianos – The Game isn’t just resolving these conflicts; it’s fundamentally transforming how families, schools, and even workplaces naturally approach disagreement.

That CEO and his daughter? Within two hours of facilitated gameplay, something remarkable began to unfold. By “playing” each other’s roles in a safe, structured environment, they started to understand perspectives they’d never allowed themselves to consider. The daughter experienced the weight of parental responsibility for digital safety, and the father felt the frustration of being constantly monitored and distrusted. When they returned to their original roles, their conversation had completely shifted – from positional bargaining to collaborative problem-solving that felt surprisingly natural.

This is the power Dr Bernard wrote about when she described how Medianos allows participants to “go beyond the conflict and enhance what you feel at the level of emotions, thoughts and behaviours.” And what’s truly exciting is how rapidly this approach continues spreading globally, creating transformation wherever it goes.

Created by Massimiliano Ferrari and supported by a rapidly expanding community of Ambassadors, Medianos is spreading across the world at unprecedented pace, and as it does, more people are discovering its effectiveness. Recent weeks have seen new Ambassadors recognized across Italy, Canada, France, Spain, Brasil, Latvia, Ecuador, and Albania.

I, Rory Gowers, as the newly appointed Australasian Medianos Ambassador and creator of the My-RESPECT-Ability negotiation framework, am curious to discover how this face-to-face board game experience will resonate with digital natives here in Australasia while delivering the profound results Dr Bernard described.

The game format creates what she calls “a safe, secure, and stimulating environment” where participants naturally develop genuine empathy through facilitated face-to-face interaction. Communication skills emerge organically as players learn active listening and assertive expression without it feeling like traditional training. Hidden needs surface safely as the game reveals unexpressed fears that fuel conflicts. Most importantly, players develop what I call “respect-ability” the expanding capacity to engage respectfully even during difficult conversations.

Dr Bernard’s observation that “gaming experience with Medianos was pivotal in translating theoretical concepts into practical skills” captures exactly why this approach succeeds where traditional methods struggle. In our screen-saturated world, bringing the power of gaming back to physical interaction creates genuine human connection that digital experiences simply cannot replicate.

The transformation extends far beyond individual families, doesn’t it? As she noted with the teachers in Basilicata who were “fascinated by the educational and formative opportunity,” we’re witnessing schools, workplaces, and communities naturally develop cultures of respectful engagement. When conflicts become catalysts for deeper understanding rather than relationship damage, entire organizational cultures begin to shift.

Imagine, if you will, boardrooms where disagreements become opportunities for innovation rather than positional battles. Picture classrooms where teachers and students collaborate through understanding rather than authority. Envision families where generational divides bridge naturally through shared gaming experiences that honour everyone’s perspective completely.

This is the future Dr Bernard glimpsed in Basilicata – and it’s spreading globally with increasing momentum. Her closing question resonates deeply, and you might find yourself wondering: “What strategies are you using to manage digital conflicts in the family or at school, or in the workplace?”

The answer, increasingly, is becoming Medianos – The Game. We’re actively preparing for launch in Australasia in Quarter 4 2025, bringing this proven approach to a region where digital conflicts are as prevalent as anywhere in the world, and where solutions are needed most.

As Dr Bernard concluded, “Open dialogue, empathy, emotional intelligence education and novel tools like Medianos are the key to transforming ‘digital conflicts’ into opportunities for growth and deeper bonds.” The enthusiasm she witnessed in Basilicata is now spreading across continents – one family, one school, one workplace at a time, creating lasting change.

For more information about bringing Medianos to your organisation or community, reach out to MyRespectAbility or respond to the post directly and discover what becomes possible.

What strategies are you using to transform conflict into connection? Join the conversation below and share what you’re discovering.

Author Biography

Rory Gowers is a Master of Dispute Resolution (MDR), Master of Education (MEd), certified Master NLP Practitioner, and intercultural mediator with deep experience leading transformative change across global business and community settings. Based in Greater Sydney, Australia, Rory helps leaders and organisations replace conflict cycles with clarity, cooperation, and lasting resolution.

As the founder of The Constructive Solution, Rory applies structured, values-based methodologies to resolve complex interpersonal and systemic challenges—especially in high-stakes environments like construction, government, and professional services. His work produces measurable outcomes: reduced rework, improved trust, and faster decision-making.

He also leads Mastering Intercultural Mediation Initiatives (MIMI)—a high-impact executive program that equips senior leaders to build inclusive, high-functioning ecosystems by mastering cultural agility and conflict competence.

Now, Rory is bringing the internationally acclaimed Medianos – The Board Game to Australasia. As the official Australasian ambassador, he introduces this dynamic, play-based tool to transform how professionals learn and practise negotiation, mediation, and respectful engagement.

Rory’s mission is clear: to grow respect, resolve conflict, and realise the shared vision of a place for all and peace for all in our time—by guiding people and systems to adopt practical, repeatable solutions that build trust and deliver sustainable results.

Contact Rory:
🌐 Web: www.myRESPECTability.com
📧 Email: rory.gowers@gmail.com
📱 Mobile: +61 425 292 811
🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/constructiveconflictsolutions

Mediation as Melodrama, One and a half decades on …

Posted on 05/12/2024 by Lisa Toohey

This blog post is motivated by my discussion with a friend about mediation. The friend was recounting her experiences of a divorce mediation, and her description reminded me of an article that I read many years ago by an academic and practitioner who I greatly admire – Dr Samantha Hardy, who these days is the Director of the Conflict Management Academy. The article is entitled “Mediation and Genre” and you can access it here – in the author’s own words, the objective of the article is to explain:

“why a conflict narrative based on the genre of melodrama tends to work against the resolution of the conflict and proposes tragedy as a more constructive genre for a conflict narrative. The paper also discusses how the mediation situation itself can constrain the possible genres that can be constructed in the process and explores the implications of those constraints for people in conflict and for the mediators facilitating a resolution.”

Sam first published this article in 2008 – now some 15 years ago. On re-reading it this week, I was struck by what an enduring piece it is. It also struck a chord with the friend who had recently been through the process as a participant.

Exploring the relationship between mediation and narrative, she explains how the genre of melodrama shapes conflict stories and in turn the mediation process itself. This is more than a purely academic exercise, as understanding melodramatic tendencies can significantly benefit both mediation practitioners and researchers. Most – or I would imagine, virtually all – practitioners would recognise what Cobb refers to as the rigidity and self-perpetuating nature of conflict stories – stories that each person uses to explain the relationship between the disputants, their actions, and the outcomes [link].

The Grip of Melodrama: How We Tell Our Conflict Stories

Western culture is particularly fond of the genre of melodrama, influencing how individuals perceive and articulate their conflicts – and in turn this has consequences for how we might mediate disputes. Sam uses the term “melodrama” not in the colloquial sense of over-the-top theatrics but rather as a specific literary genre characterised by:

Moral Polarisation: The division of characters into ‘good’ and ‘evil’, with the storyteller typically casting themselves as the innocent victim and the other party as the villain;

Heightened Emotions: Conflicts are often recounted with exaggerated displays of feelings, emphasising the victim’s suffering and aiming to provoke anger and judgment towards the villain; and

Sensationalism: Disputants’ stories often jump between events without a linear sequence of cause-and-effect, focusing instead on dramatic turning points and neglecting nuanced explanations.

She argues that individuals in conflict often become “told” by the melodramatic narrative, unconsciously adopting its framework to make sense of their situation. This leads to an oversimplification of complex issues, a focus on individual blame rather than systemic factors, and a rigid adherence to “dream justice” where the victim is vindicated and the villain punished.

Melodrama and the Mediation Process

The influence of melodrama extends beyond the conflict story itself, shaping the dynamics within the mediation process. These include through the duelling of competing narratives – with each party trying to position themselves in the role of victim and the other in the role of perpetrator. Unsurprisingly this hinders the exploration of shared responsibility and understanding. At the same time, melodramatic narrative often positions the mediator as an authoritative figure expected to discern the truth, dispense justice, and protect the victim.

Breaking Free from the Melodramatic Trap: Move Towards the Tragedy

Sam puts forward tragedy as an alternative literary genre that can offer a more constructive lens for understanding conflict. Unlike melodrama, tragedy acknowledges the complexities of human experience, allowing for:

Complex Characters: Tragic characters are not purely good or evil but possess internal conflicts and inconsistencies, making their actions understandable even when flawed;

Choice and Responsibility: Tragedy emphasizes the protagonist’s agency and the impact of their choices, even within constrained circumstances; and

Acceptance and Growth: Tragic narratives recognize that conflict can lead to suffering but also hold the potential for self-awareness and growth, even without a “happy ending”.

Mediators can help facilitate a shift from melodramatic to tragic understanding by:

Deconstructing Polarized Identities: Using irony and carefully crafted questions, mediators can help parties recognize the nuances and contradictions within themselves and each other;

Highlighting Choice and Agency: By emphasizing the choices available to parties, even within difficult situations, mediators can empower parties to actively participate in shaping the outcome of their dispute; and

Shifting Focus from the Past to the Future: Encouraging parties to acknowledge their suffering and learn from their experiences allows them to move beyond blame and consider possibilities for growth and change.

The Enduring Relevance of this research

This piece encourages us to move beyond simplistic “fairy tale” understandings of conflict and encourage us to reflect on the complexities inherent in human interaction – and in mediation in particular. By recognising and addressing the tendency towards melodrama, mediators can better assist parties to move beyond entrenched positions and engage in more nuanced, productive dialogue.

Sam develops the concept much further in her book Conflict Coaching Fundamentals: Working with Conflict Stories, and she developed the REAL Conflict Coaching System as a way to support people to re-write their conflict story into one that gives them more choice and agency.

From the Author ….

I took this blog post as an opportunity to contact Sam, and I asked her how her own thinking on mediation narrative has evolved since she wrote this piece. Here’s what she said ….

“When Solon Simmons (Professor at the George Mason University Carter School for Peace and Conflict Studies and Director of the Narrative Lab) mentioned in passing on LinkedIn that I featured in his new book Narrating Peace: How to Tell a Conflict Story, I assumed that I showed up in a footnote somewhere. Imagine my surprise and absolute delight when I started reading it and discovered that not only has he named a turning point in narrative and conflict scholarship as the “Cobb-Hardy Pivot” (after one of my mentors Sara Cobb and I), he also described my article about mediation and genre as “one of the most important articles on narrative social science in the past century”! Honestly, to say he made my day is an enormous understatement!

It’s also so rewarding to know that the work I did in my PhD actually forms the basis of a lot of what I do today in my work with clients in conflict, and supports others to do the same. That long slog to the PhD finish line was worth it in the end!”

The melodrama of conflict

Posted on 06/12/2013 by Dr Samantha Hardy

One of my big projects at the moment is working on a book called the Melodrama of Conflict. My theory is that people who are not managing conflict well tend to tell their story of conflict in the genre of melodrama (the proper classical genre, not the way we use the term colloquially).

Professor Nadja Alexander and I developed the REAL Conflict Coaching System to support people in conflict to move away from dysfunctional melodramatic conflict narratives. We want our clients to move from being a passive victim to being the active hero of their future conflict story. It might sound weird, but I think a better genre for a constructive conflict narrative is tragedy.

To find out more, listen to my talk to the International Coaching Federation in the USA on coaching people through the melodrama of conflict (this is a recording of the tele-seminar, so there’s a bit of chit chat at the start as people logged into the call): http://www.freeconference.com/RecordingDownload.aspx?R=13352997&C=734&E=193325